Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa.
One should love animals. They are so tasty.
Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.
Love the neighbor. But don't get caught.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
The wise never marry, and when they marry they become otherwise.
Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.
"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep.
There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
"Hard work never killed anybody." But why take the risk?
"Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours!
A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view.
The more you learn, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn.
A little ego goes nowhere.
All I do is eat and sleep. Eat and sleep. Eat and sleep. There must be more to a cat's life than that. But I hope not.
Avoid fruits and nuts: after all, you are what you eat.
Eat every meal as though it were your last.
Good times are ahead! Or behind. Because they sure aren't here.
His I.Q. is so low you can't test it. You have to dig for it.
I am hungry. Therefore I am.
I eat too much because I'm depressed, and I'm depressed because I eat too much. It's a vicious circle... that took years to perfect!
I'm not messy. I'm organizationally challenged!
If you want to appear smarter, hang around someone stupider.
Odie, let's talk effort versus return here. You know, you can still lead a pointless life without all that running around.
This is it. I've reached the pinnacle of laziness and gluttony... How depressing. There's no place to go after you've reached the top.
When the lasagna content in my blood gets low, I get mean.
You can scratch my chair, you can insult my mother, you can beat up my dog, and you can play with my rubber mousie... but you don't eat my food and you don't sleep in my bed.
You know what is a "diet" is, don't you? It's "die" with a "t", that's what it is!